When The Peace Sign Isn't The Finger Gesture Of Choice...
I had lunch with Dusty the other day...yes that's right...the Dusty of the "Diatribes" that you enjoy on these very pages of The Blue Republic. She's the raven haired beauty of tangential words that gets your blood pumping one way or another. We had a lovely lunch at the Red Lobster to start with...of course we didn't have any live creatures killed for our ravenous appetites...but we did enjoy most of everything that wasn't nailed down.
We did however spend a great deal of time talking between bites about the Bush administration and the one way ticket to nowhere we Americans all seem to be sliding toward. The surge of the troops that the Dubster has his chaps in a twist over doesn't seem to be going over as well as he had danced the voodoo side-step for...so he's really whipping himself into a frenzy over it. Dusty and I figure there are still some sane Americans left that won't buy into his agenda.
We bantered back and forth about the different presidential candidates and the bloggers who love/hate them. Now that can take up some time on that subject...but we moved on to the Cheney knowing full well that he could care less what America thinks or feels about much of anything. We finished off the meal with discussing health care, the economy and the ever present global warming. We then parted ways because Dusty had an appointment and I needed to get home. She went to one end of this red town...and I drove to the other side. I drove home listening to some nice music like an ordinary citizen not expecting that my day was going to take a different turn...to that of the "Twilight Zone."
I found "him"...you know...the guy I've been waiting for all my life to be my first experience. I'm really serious about this being my first time too. I've gone years with white knuckles on the steering wheel of life looking for this guy. And this nice friendly lunch and drive home was the day I was no longer a virgin on the "roadway of rage". Oh...I've known for years this day would finally and inevitably come to me ...I honestly hoped it wouldn't...but one can only hold out for so long.
This was nearly his end of days...this Bush/Cheney conservative driver...my first experience was going to come at last. I was driving my new Avalon and just in general minding my own business very nearly home. I'd turned left (how ironic)...from a main street onto a residential street and shortly had to stop for the car in front of me because she wanted to turn left onto her street at the first block. I still didn't know that I was about to lose my road rage virginity just yet. I was still an innocent driver at this point in time.
I looked in my rear view mirror and saw two cars patiently waiting behind me as lawful waiters of stopped cars should be...just as I was doing. So...the car indeed turns left and I start to go forward...legally...and out of nowhere came my "guy" that took my road rage virginity from me forever. I can only describe his wheels as a pumpkin colored nondescript Van. Except...it was covered in Bush/Cheney presidential stickers and assorted conservative religious thingies. If...my new Avalon was going to be accosted...why couldn't it be a Lexus or something decent like a Mercedes? Is that too much to ask?
So...on my right (again ironic) the Bush/Cheney conservative guy that cannot be missed for color alone...and the fact that he lawfully didn't have the right to be passing any of us on the right anyway looks at me like I've sprouted an alien from my head. I never found my horn so fast in all my driving days...I fear I may have scared the driver that turned ahead of me poor thing. Okay!...the game was on Mr. conservative guy. I don't know how he managed to get between my car and the parked car at the curb because I was sure we'd touch before it was over. I was ready to rumble!
He toodled on up the street without a care in the world...but he had an angry woman driver on his tail blaring her horn like she was in Tomb Raider mode...and you know what that means! The "white knuckles" on the steering wheel were in a death grip. So...it all boils down to this one act on my part...one insidious impertinent act that I swear I have never perpetrated on a person before this day. I followed conservative guy to a four-way stop which just happens to be where I was going to turn right by the way. Conservative guy was going straight and I pulled over to the right at the stop sign and stopped. Our eyes locked for an instant...but just long enough for me to give him the biggest finger of his lifetime. And gang...it felt so damn good that mere words cannot describe the loss of my road rage virginity...even as I recall it with much relish. And that my friends is why sometimes the Peace Sign just isn't enough when flashing the finger to another conservative "I own the road" knuckle headed driver.
cross-posted @
I have Dude from TBR to thank for the lovely Pumpkin Van picture.
That's quite a story, and nice to have met another blogger.
We've noticed the same thing here in In. Drivers with those stickers appear as if they can do whatever they want on the road. ; (
Posted by
Coffee Messiah |
1:46 AM
The question now Sumo is that now that you have gotten your feet wet can you control yourself or are we soon to see news stories from L.A. on the mysterious liberal roaming the streets of L.A. flipping off anyone with a Bush bumper sticker? It is very addictive I hear.
Posted by
fallenmonk |
8:36 AM
I had such a strange mix of laughter and fear that was instilled in me by this story. That there were no shooting or improper usage of tire iron, came as a big relief to me. Anyhow, virginity is such an overated "virtue".
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:53 PM
CM...they're like Caddy drivers with their attitude of owning the road. People should be very judicious about the stickers of advertising on their cars...someone may not like what they see. Of course I believe in to each his own....heh!
Monk...yes...the proverbial wet finger I suppose. Yeah...it felt so good after all these years that I may have to do it everyday now...just to keep in practice.
Pekka...I know it must sound like I'm violent in nature...uh...not really...but maybe the potential is there lurking somewhere. I was ready...really ready to go for this guy if he so much as stopped and threatened me. And I certainly hope I don't ever make the news sometime...I never did want to be famous.
Posted by
sumo |
2:34 PM
This is exactly why I think rocket launchers would be a very popular option on cars. A little Sidewinder up his butt and he'd learn to trifle with you.
Here are some hints at fighting back:
http://omnipotentpoobah.blogspot.com/2005/07/vengeance-is-mine-cautionary-tale.html
Posted by
Omnipotent Poobah |
6:58 PM
I used to have the bird flipped at myself quite frequently, not because of any stickers I was diplaying, but because I used to drive like a maniac. you see a lot of cars around here sporting the Bush?Cheney stickers, and I always feel tempted to key them when I see them in parking lots.......
.....maybe I'll just print up some stickers that say "clueless" and stick their cars with them instead.
Posted by
Lew Scannon |
8:12 PM
Poobie...that was quite a story...but I think she could hear since she looked up after you smashed her headlights. People are so clueless. I get riled up at people with carts that stop in front and block the isle or stand there talking not paying attention to those around them. Those people are lucky I don't put my foot up their asses.
Lew...my husband keyed a kids car because he parked in two spots on an end just to save his new car. As we walked to our car close to his...he keyed it just to show him he wasn't special. I had a problem with that of course. I would never do something like that to anyone. He came out after us and saw it and really freaked out...I've always wondered if he got the point. He didn't see Mr. Sumo do it just to clarify.
Posted by
sumo |
12:19 AM
Here's a nice Johnathon Edwards interview to help you relax and enjoy that post-c(ar)oital cigarette.
{-;
Posted by
Michael Bains |
3:59 AM
Thanks MB...I found that very enlightening of Mr. Edwards. He is so absolutely right about the posturing of the White House and the lack of negotiating. We should negotiate until we have exhausted every possible carrot or celery stick...and be very prepared to exhaust some more. When people's lives are at stake...little brown children too...they should talk their asses off until they cannot talk anymore. I've give body parts to tell that to the Dub and Dick! Of course...I'd be poking them in the chest as I was screaming it at them the snotheads!
Posted by
sumo |
2:03 PM
Five doors down from me is someone who as a sticker "I Think Therefore I Am A Republican".
I'm pretty sure she/he's Indian (DESI) as most everyone is around me but I've never seen the owner. It's been two years now that I've passed by the car ( it's a humble Toyata Corolla, ten years old I'd say). It still has NY plates even though the owner obvisouly resides in NJ. I've often thought of making a counter "statement"--perhaps with a brick. But I let it go and trust in the pigeons that sit on the telephone wire by his driveway. The pigeons might not be liberals but for sure they are 'independents'.
Posted by
5th Estate |
6:15 PM
5th...pigeons are always good for something at least when the moment is right.
Posted by
sumo |
2:49 AM