Sumo Merriment

I'd been joking with another reporter that en route to his capitulation Joe would leave fingernail tracks in the carpet leading all the way back to his private room upstairs, but surprisingly he did not have to be dragged onstage at all, and his little elfin nails looked unbloodied and intact as he spoke. I was looking over a crowd of reporters and Joe staffers, off to the right and to the rear of the hall, as he announced his determination to press on:

"If the people of Connecticut are good enough to send me back to Washington . . . " he began, "I promise them I will keep fighting for the same progressive new ideas and for stronger national security . . . "

At the words progressive new ideas I couldn't help myself and let out a little laugh, recalling Lieberman's determination to yank funding from public schools that counseled suicidal teens that it was OK to be gay. Was that the kind of progressive idea he was talking about? I really did try to muffle it, but it was too late -- a middle-aged woman with big dangly earrings in a Lieberman T-shirt whipped around and glared at me.

I shrugged. A few minutes later, Lieberman ended his speech with an impassioned promise to fight on: "I believe tonight, more than ever, in America's greatness in its values . . . Will you join me? "

Roars, cheers from the crowd; the sneering lady in front of me jumped up and down; and then, weirdly, Joe descended from the stage to the strains of the Tattoo You-era Rolling Stones anthem "Start Me Up." As the defeated Democrat (now officially an insurgent candidate) hugged his family and shook hands with his supporters, the familiar but suddenly unpleasant lyrics shot out through the ballroom:

If you start me up

If you start me up I'll never stop . . .

Slide it up!

As I listened to this, another Joe supporter -- a somewhat older woman in horn-rimmed glasses -- came over and cornered me.

"You know what?" she said. "You reporters are all alike. You won't admit it, but you're all anti-Semites . . . "

I scratched my head. Anti-Semites? The song rattled on creepily:

If you rough it up

If you like it you can slide it up, slide it up

I shuddered at this, trying to keep my wits, but Horn-Rimmed Glasses was still whaling away at me. "You people really do have no respect," she went on. "Joe is such a wonderful man . . . "

"Listen," I exploded, interrupting her. "Do you know what this song is about?"

She froze.

"It's about a guy who gets an erection that doesn't go away," I said. "Can you explain to me why this song is playing now? What the hell is wrong with you people?"

The woman recoiled, briefly assumed a quizzical expression, then walked away shaking her head, like the song was my fault.

And because Ned Lamont was the clear winner in the Connecticut Senate Primary...the people that voted for him...really placed a vote for the terrorists. It clearly means that we want the insurgents to win and...well...do more insurgency things to us. If something happens in the old USofA...the democrats will certainly be at fault. Oh...the shame of it all! Just look what they have done...

I Sumo volunteer to be the first democrat to be incarcerated as a traitor for thinking Ned Lamont should have won the primary and to go on and win the election in November. While I regret that I have given succor to the insurgents and/or Al Qaeda...causing gazillions worth of shampoos, aquafinas, hand lotions, lipsticks, eye drops, tooth paste, gels and the like to be put in the airport garbage bins...I do exercize my right to a speedy trial. Yeah...right!

And this is the moment that America found out that man was not really created equal...in body!

Posted by sumo on Wednesday, August 16, 2006 at 12:08 PM | Permalink Return to Top